Mostly it’s been a quiet day after last nights antics. Leaving the nightclub at 2am, Dad had got quite drunk. I was being partial to the water that was free near the entrance, I felt quite relaxed when we left.
Kay had agreed to drop me and dad off at home but Dad had decided by this point that it would be a good idea to go to a house party with some people in their late 30’s. Still chasing the party at 56. Dad was dropped off on the way with the main party leader Connor, who was doing reasonably good impressions of Terry Tibbs (Talk tah me!) and hitting on Kay despite him having a girlfriend.
I wasn’t interested in staying with a bunch of people I didn’t know and chasing validation so I went home quite happy.
The familiar pain of alcohol pulsed through my body when I awoke this morning. Clear of the toxin for 2 weeks, my body feels tighter with the work I’ve been doing in the gym and at the pool and it was an unwelcome addition to my morning. I do not miss it.
After lolling about for an hour, I felt inspired to create a new blog for the year as a place to write. Mostly as a private diary but also for my thoughts on various things.
This has led from the fact that I’ve been battling with addiction to social media and I’m looking for a more healthy place to spend my time. I’ve re-downloaded Udemy with all the courses I bought last year, and I’m using YouTube where useful.
So like i said, I’ve started writing.
When I wrote my travel blog in 2018 It was enjoyable but when I got to the end of it I felt a little bit lost. Time on the road swept me away but returning to normal life was like a Tsunami as I lost connection to what I felt to be my authentic self, out in the world, learning as I go; and returned to civilisation with all the people, laws and systems that populate all our lives. And it’s distractions.
And not just distractions but also debts which unfortunately when you chose to base your adventures on money you don’t have; its starts to accumulate.
That gap between now and June 2018 seems short to me. But I can finally say I’m on the right path once more.
Let’s set the clock back to this afternoon though.
January has been a long month financially and work our earlier to help people through Christmas time.
For me, this was a push. Christmas with the family in Devon, and a celebration of the new year in Jersey with the guys was survived, but left me with not a lot left to my name. So I’ve survived and I’ve been eating pasta quite a lot. Up until yesterday when I was gifted a pack of bacon dated 12th December and some cheese from 17th December. So I thought today, why not see how long food really lasts for.
Turns out quite a while. I’m not a fool of course nor would I eat food that was genuinely bad, but the ability to understand when your food is actually bad is useful. The bacon passed the smell test despite the packaging being expanded so I cooked it all off which was fun. Still feel ok, will give an update if it turns out badly.
I took some time to relax after that and watched James May’s series travelling across Japan, which is something I recently decided I want to do alongside walking around the whole of Romania.
Cuba for a few months, Romania for as long as it takes to go around and hopefully learn the language at the same time and then Japan. All in the future of course, while I work on my financials and pay off debts, work out how I’m going to work for myself on the side whilst I receive income from the bank at the same time.
With the series completed I found myself sitting in the sunshine of my room contemplating my surroundings. It feels curious that the space I inhabit can go from spotlessly clean to mess in less then 2 hours. On Thursday I wanted to go for a walk with Adam, even though it was pouring rain so I was searching for my Waterproof trousers. Which I found after I had pulled everything out of everywhere. Such is life.
Searching for a movie to watch I picked In time, by Andrew Niccol who happens to be one of my favourite directors. I move across the bed and I can feel my heart beating out my chest. Last nights lasting effect. I half watched the film, as I wrote this. My mind passed to my current muse, Cristina. A beautiful Romanian girl who lives abroad, and of course like the band Weezer eponymously says “Does not know I exist”.
I have been in the dating wilderness for 3 months now, and I’m not looking to start back out there again soon. My mind is set on self growth, and stability in my life. But the mind can still wonder as it does. Even at work, I find myself staring across the desks at a girl nearby who I do not know, have no interest in being in a relationship with and yet still the heart yearns for what it cannot have. I did tell my brother about Cristina though. He pointed out quite aptly that having so many photos of the self is probably a red flag, which I happen to agree with but however that she may be redeemed somewhat for her vegan shirt. I am also here for the shirt, but mostly for alternative reasons. I attempted to add her as a friend on Facebook, curious to see how that works out, but once someone goes over a certain level they can’t see the wood for the trees anymore and mere mortals such as myself are drowned out in the noise of thirsty cretins. Like the leading character of the Netflix series You, I feel like I would be so good in that persons life, yet due to that very reason most likely should not be in it. We can ruminate for a while on this.
My solution to being in the noise and aftermath of others is to stand up and be counted. Therefore, I started writing this. And I’m in the gym everyday. And I’ve got my plans for further learning and education. More money earning opportunities.
I’m taking Cristina, someone I may never meet, and using her in the most fantastic way possible, as a means to achieve my dreams and in so doing when I get there I will no longer need to worry about being in the noise anymore. So I feel a lot of gratitude for that. I just gave myself a written pep talk, and now I’m ready for the new week. And I hope you are too. If you want inspirational messages from me, let me know. Because I don’t just believe in myself, I believe in you too.
The Journey 